Lesbian Advice Ask Aunty Ursula
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5.6.2008, Question :
is it weird to have lesbian sex for the first time, and also have it be your first time having sex at all? can the fingers reach far enough to break your vaginal membrane? i know this is a strange question, but its bugging me.
Aunty Ursula says...
Having sex for the first time. be it gay or straight will always have a sense of weirdness to it, just like many things done for the first time. And if you choose to have it with another girl, then that’s your choice; will it be different than sex with a guy? Of course because the parts are different, but it is possible to break the hymen by using fingers, if there is a penetration. So technically, you can lose your “virginity” with a girl.
5.6.2008, Question :
Lesbian living a straight life is what I'm doing right now. I have been living a lie for 13 years now and I want to come out to my children, family and friends. I'm afraid of the reaction I think I'm going to get. I have three beautiful daughters that look up to me. Their reactions means the most to me. I don't want to continue to live a lie. Can you give me some advice on what you think I should do?
Aunty Ursula says...
You may want to test the water with how accepting they are to two women together, or gay issues altogether. There are many mainstream ways that the gay community has contributed to different creative venues. Depending on their ages you may want to “fish” around and ask questions while maybe listening to Melissa Etheridge or watching Ellen DeGeneres. These are common lesbians that have paved their way in the “straight” world so they are safe to have on while not coming right out and saying that you want to talk about your own feelings. With the California ruling in regard to gay marriage and allowing licenses to be issued soon to couples, you can say: “Hey, I heard that Ellen (or Melissa) is going to legally marry her girlfriend soon.” and watch their reaction. If they say “gross” then you may want to sit them down and explain to them that love is love and everyone is different, what might be right for them, may not be right for some else, but it doesn’t make the other person a bad person. Or they may say “cool”, then at least you have an indication that they’re accepting of the concept. But being accepting of a stranger is different then their mom, so be prepared for a long talk, and be honest. Once you are sure that the kids are told in a way that you would like for them to find out, then you can focus on the others. The others can react the way they want, but it’s your daughters who matter and need to hear it from you, just in case there’s a negative reaction from anyone. As Melissa once said…”Be strong and speak true” and that is so appropriate in your situation. Getting out of the lie will set you free to feel true happiness.
4.6.2008, Question :
i dont really know where to start so ill just jump in...
im 17 and im lesbian, ive accepted it and im happy being it, but It seems
ike everyone around where i live hates them. i told a friend who i thought i
could trust but that friendship and many others soon dissapeared, I made a few new friends since but they arent that close.
i really want to tell my parents but they think being gay is wrong and horrible so id never get any support off them, they are begining to
wonder why i havnt had a boyfriend yet and i dont have an answer for them. Sometimes i wish i was straight but its just not me. im sorry this isnt really a question but anything you have to say would be great, thanks.
~Soph x
Aunty Ursula says...
The most important thing is becoming comfortable with yourself and giving your new friendships time to grow. Your old friends are probably too insecure to break away from anything that may seem the “norm”, so relish in the fact that you’ve met open-minded people that will allow you to be you. And in regard to your parents, don’t feel as though you have to rush to tell them, when the time is right it will present itself. Meanwhile, if they ask about a boyfriend, simply say: “I haven’t really found one that clicks yet, but right now I’m having fun finding out who I am without worrying about getting too serious about someone else.” Play it off as though friends are more important right now, and actually they should be. A relationship will come about soon enough and you can evaluate the next step then.
16.5.2008, Question :
Okay... Basically i think im getting messed up over my gf. Were long distance currently. But we talk almost everyday.. Latley not so much.. Weve been fighting a bit.. Not alot. But she seems so wierd, I keep thinking maybe she dosent want to be with me anymore. And ive finally gotten to the point where this is wonderful for me. Its like i go through withdraws.. Not too severe. But its like i have a cloud over my head or somthing. I dont know...
Aunty Ursula says...
It sounds as though you’ve become accustomed to the fighting which is not healthy. You may want to get involved with some activities and back away from her some. Eventually you may be able to have a relationship, but not being sure of where’s it’s currently headed may be a sign that something is missing. Until you can both determine what that is without any harsh words you’d be better off focusing on your own happiness.
9.5.2008, Question :
Hello, I've been with Dana for 3 years now. She does not like to have sex. Says its great when we do, but if we never do, she's fine with that. So it means she never intiates sex with me, making me feel unwanted, ugly or just not good enough. So what's up with the "Lesbian Death Bed" thing? I didn't sign up to not have sex for the rest of my life. But if I want sex, I have to go someplace else to get it, Dana's not volunteering to be my sex partner. How do I learn to live without or should I consider moving on? I love her, and besides the physical part, we get along great. But I will say that I am starting to be very hurt and angry that this relationship has to be her way. Very passive/agressive of her. What do I do?
Aunty Ursula says...
It sounds as though you’re having to give up something that is very important to you and have expressed possibly looking for that one aspect with someone else. You may want to think about taking that step further. What you have with your present girl may be a very good friendship, but doesn’t seem to be what you would consider a complete relationship. By allowing yourself to continue without it may bring about resentment and cause a bitter break up. Time to have that heart to heart and see if there’s any possibility of change to include more sex, or to part very good friends and be a part of each other’s lives, but not together. This will allow both of you to pursue the person that would make your lives complete without one sacrificing.
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